OK, so you know all of those rotten films I've been receiving from Netflix? Basically just a bunch of exploitation rot from the 70s and 80s. Its only been a few days and just a few movies but, so far, all of them have a central theme. I guess I didn't pick up on it enough as a kid. Pushing 40, I'm all “Ah ha! You guys are all alike.”
Here's the thing. You take a basic premise, essentially a fad from the time, breakdancing, skateboarding (which is not a fad!), roller disco and the like and have a Hollywood studio totally mess it up. It's like you can almost see those fat cigar chewing producers looking out their windows, going “What are those crazy kids up to? What's 'rapping'? Nevermind, it's big and we can make a lot of money off of it.”
“But what about story, content, plot and...”
“You think those idiots care about any of that? I want a script on my desk by the end of the week.”
Take the skateboard flick “Thrashin'” starring, that's right ladies, Josh Brolin. This is the blueprint for ALL of these types of movies. Even new ones. It doesn't change.
He's a good looking, talented “rebel”, that everyone seems to like but is a bit of a loner. There's the “bad guy” faction, usually with spray painted hair and some kind of chain dangling from a denim vest or ripped jeans, with stupid gang names like The Daggers, Snakes, Vicious Crew and the like. They're into the same thing as our hero, BMX biking, breakdancing or in the case of “Thrashin'”, skateboarding.
Then there's always some greedy big whig that want's to shut down the local hangout, a club a roller rink, etc. The only way to save said hangout is to raise money. But how? Sure they got talent, but they can't rub two pennies together.
Bring in the love interest. She's cute, she's sassy and she plays by her own rules. Bonus point: Daddy is loaded. Not so good point: Her brother is the leader of the warring faction.
What to do? Oh what to do?
Doesn't matter, love conquers all. Rich chick (who is also quite talented in exploited fad as well) falls for good guy hero which, of course, daddy does not approve of and sets evil brother off to no degree. I mean, daddy was going to put the funds up to save the hangout but, well little missy, now that you're dating, whats-his-name?, that rebel!, I'm going to tear up this contract and forget about it.
She runs to her room and cries. Brother gets more upset, there's some kind of altercation one that can only be settled by, yes!, the big contest. Turns out that contest hands out enough prize money to, that's right!, save said hangout. Oh...the plot thickens.
Whether it's a big breakdancing battle, rap off, skateboard rally or BMX bike race, the spunky underdogs almost don't make it, because the bad guys are just that much better, but then, suddenly, the good guy comes through right at the very end, because good always wins over evil, and the prize money goes to save the hangout, dad forgives daughter, mean guys run off in a huff and good guy kisses girl.
The End.
So, after reading this, you can apply the formula to almost any cheesy exploitation film. If there is a fad to be had and made a profit off of, you can be sure Hollywood busts out the template, screws up everything that is right and good about the central theme, shoves it into your local multi-plex and pop culture has been born.
Hollywood, I hate you, but, man are those movies a lot of fun!
Let's recap!
Food: Breakfast – cheesy quesadilla. Lunch – lil pizza with loads of veggies and bacon. Dinner – veggie pasta with lots of garlic. (Yeah, I know this day was carb-tastic but running around for 8 hours made me crave them so...don't hate!)
Booze: Couple of beers.
Movies: “Rappin'” and “Thrashin'”
Mood: Really tired; burned out.
# of pages written: 1 but sketching for the big ending went on too.
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