Notes on being a Heavy Metal DJ

I know I wasn't the first Heavy Metal DJ to raid some club and play loud and obnoxious music. There's no way. There had to have been some before me that played the likes of Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and so on and so forth. Wait, no, now that I think about it, I spent my 30th birthday in New York City in some race car themed bar somewhere in the Avenues with members of Fireball Ministry as a DJ spun vintage Metal on 45s. Was that guy the catalyst? It was for me anyway.

Back in San Francisco, a place where I lived for over a decade, there weren't any “Metal” nights in bars or clubs that didn't involve a band. Not that I knew of anyway. If I picked up the local free rags, checked the calendar of events and saw that some dive bar had a Heavy Metal DJ night, I would have been there. If anyone reading this that lived in San Francisco in the late 90s and early 2000s, please prove to me that I am wrong. If I skipped out on the Crowbar's monthly Metal event called like 'Painslave' or something, get back to me. Because, and I'm pretty sure I've done my research here, I've checked and nothing ever came up.

Not that we really needed any bar or club playing hard rock or metal. There were enough live venues offering up real bands each night. Heck, down at the Maritime Hall or Warfield, you could most likely catch a big time Metal outfit plying almost nightly. So why would a bar or club drive customers away while some dork DJ spun Slayer and Carcass as you tried to sip your beer and hit on that attractive person with the neck tattoo over by the neon Hamms Beer light up sign? It doesn't make sense right?

But, seriously, outside of radio play, I really hadn't seen or heard about an actual Heavy Metal DJ taking residence in a bar or club. So when I proposed the idea to the owner and managers of a great watering hole on Clement Street, the 540 Club, they agreed that it could be fun. My first night as Metal Mark was a rousing success. So much in fact that the fire department had to stop by due to over crowding. Amazing.

Now I just didn't show up, play a few tunes and leave. Oh no. If I was going to be the one and only Metal DJ in the Bay Area, I was going to do it big. I bought a big fog machine, some black candles, a fake gravestone with my name written in blood red neon paint, so I bought a blacklight as well, skulls and the whole bit. It looked really amazing. After the success of that first Metal night, the owner insured me that I would have a regular spot at their club. So cool.

This lead to being part of an all night extreme music radio show, Rampage Radio, on KUSF when some of the DJs for the show showed up to one of my nights. Then I got occasional gigs at other venues like the Arrow bar where I spun Metal and hard rock only when the Warfield, which was a block away, hosted a big Metal act. You know, to draw a crowd before and after the show.

This was all fine and dandy, but when I moved to Tucson I didn't have much luck as a Metal DJ. In fact, desperate for work, I actually took a job at a local “gentleman's club”, but didn't hold out because that scene just isn't me. Well, it is just...not as a job. So I ended up with a professional “entertainment company” doing weddings, proms and events and such. There I met a like minded guy by the name of Eric who, as it turned out, had his own DJ equipment. This gave me an idea...

We hatched a plan to be “Tucson's best and ONLY Hard Rock and Heavy Metal DJs!” and we actually landed a few gigs. This also came at the time when I had a regular Metal night at a now defunct club called Vaudeville. Things seemed to be looking up for me as a Metal DJ once again.

Yeah. Not so much.

When we started up the rooms would literally clear out. My nights at Vaudeville were notoriously dead. People just didn't seem to get it or care that there were Metal nights now in Tucson. And this is kind of a Metal town. Even through all the promotions, flyers, websites and such, no one seemed to care and they definitely didn't come out to see me, or us.

I knew my nights at Vaudeville were doomed when there were only two customers, both playing pool, and one of them came over and said “Hey man, we're feeling mellow tonight. Maybe just play some Sublime or something.” Ugh.

Here's another thing: I just didn't spin hard rock and Metal tunes and I just didn't put on a show. Dude, I got sponsorship. Back in San Francisco I was on the street team for an amazing Metal label, Relapse Records, and when I told them I had a Metal night at a popular club and was on the radio, they started sending me all sorts of giveaways, like stickers, sample CDs and even t-shirts. Then I got one of the magazines I used to write for, Metal Maniacs, to do the same. They sent over a huge banner that I always displayed behind me and sent out a bunch of merch to give away. How cool was that?

But when I moved to Tucson all of that stopped. Even when I contacted them about my spots in vaudeville and the Metal DJ company Eric and I started, which was called Valhalla Entertainment. Nothing. It all just stopped. So I focused on other things and moved on...

About a week ago, Eric hipped me to this Metal DJ show at a biker bar called the Bashful Bandit. Great. I'll be there.

So She-Ra and I show up about a half hour before the show begins. There's a screen off to the side of the “stage”, which is really a small raised platform, with the DJ crews name, Blackout, written kinda metal-ish. Over the speakers, the house jukebox ones, some kind of lame techno music was playing. Which then segued into (blorp) Nickleback and some other douche rock tunes.

When Eric finally arrived I had to ask his what this was all about, this Metal DJ show because, so far, it wasn't very Metal. He said he knew the guys that put it on and that I should come and see if it gets the Metal Mark seal of approval.

Well, one thing it did do was make me miss those nights at the 540 Club and even Rampage Radio. I mean, it's fun, or...it was. I put on a show, I banged my head and jumped around, I played classic hits alongside new and very underground songs – it was a blast! Thing is, the guys of Blackout didn't seem to be having any fun.

They were just kind of moping around, dressed in black (of course) and there wasn't any lights (I forgot to mention I had a big strobe light too...and a Castle Grayskull) or fog machine or anything. I don't know. So far I wasn't that into it.

Plus they started late. When the DJ finally got behind his laptop and hit “Play” what he produced was your standard “Metal” fare but nothing revolutionary. Half of the trip of being a DJ is introducing people to new sounds. We had already heard System of a Down, Tool, Disturbed, etc etc way too many times. Heck, play an AC/DC b-side. “Inject the Venom” is a really great song.

Now, I'm not trying to come across as some bitter, old, washed up former Heavy Metal DJ, it's just that as a guy that kind of started the whole thing (in my tiny universe that is) the only way to get gigs and to keep folks coming back is to not only give them something to listen to but to look at as well. All we had were bored dudes and dudettes and some guy in a blue Tropicana shirt that started boogieing to the noise of Machinehead with another chick that was far drunker than he was.

And it's not that I didn't have a good time, I did, but only because I was with friends and we made it fun. Let's face it, if you're going to pull something off like a hard rock or Heavy Metal night at some bar, run by DJs none the less, you're going to have to do something special. It's like the guys that do air guitar competitions; half of them aren't even keeping up with the shredding, they're just dressed over the top and jamming around the stage like a cracked out jackrabbit. You just can't mix Iron Maiden into Slayer (I always liked “Children of the Damned” into “Reborn” myself) and yawn at the same time. It's just not happening.

Plus they weren't even mixing it all together. Songs actually faded out before they got to cue up a new one. That's a big DJ no-no.

Still, I was pleased, and a bit jealous as well, that Tucson has embraced something along the lines of what I used to do. I gave it the ol' team try and through the years, the gimmick faded and now it's up to the next batch of Metalheads to take it to the next level.

But you're gonna have to get yourself a fog machine kids. Because that's where the real fun begins.

Good luck!

My two obsessions: Books and Heavy Metal (and the odd links between them)

There is nothing I enjoy more in life than curling up with a good book. Or thrashing madly about listening to a great metal album. These are two things that have been a focus and obsessions of mine basically my whole life. Just as much as I was excited to get a hold of the newest Slayer record, I was looking forward to the bookmobile's next visit. As a kid I wore KISS t-shirts and would listen to my friend's older brother's Black Sabbath records when I did sleep overs. I also hung out in libraries and wrote strange stories about warring faction leprechauns and what if Skeletor and Darth Vader both went for the last piece of bacon in the buffet and who would win the fight? Books and Heavy Metal. Two great tastes that go great...well, I do like it quiet when I read so, and I guess that example is out.

Thing is, I never really gave it a second though, my love of seemingly two separate worlds, that is until my friends got involved.

“Hey Mark, what're you reading a book for? It's summer.”

“Um. I dunno. It's fun. I guess.”

“Fun? Dude, skateboarding is fun...”

“It is.”

“...books are just...boring.”

“No they aren't.”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Nuh-uh!”

I guess to most kids in the pre-Harry Potter and Twilight era, books could seem boring. I mean, you're just sitting there, eyes skidding along letters that eventually form words, words that become sentences, with one light on, in relative silence, alone. But what they don't see is the huge universe spinning in my head. Thanks to a very active imagination (one of the big benefits of being an only child) I wasn't alone in that silence, I was in Hobbiton hanging out with Bilbo and Gandalf about to start another glorious adventure, or on a spaceship soaring off to Altair-4 about to do battle with an invisible astro beast. It was never quiet or boring at all, as it is with metal. You don't associate either of those words when the subject comes up do you? Quite the opposite if you ask me.

Here's the thing. Recently I was awarded the ultimate job for bookies and nerds, a position with the public library. Now that I am in my 40s, a bit calmer and focused (sort of) landing this job was a dream come true. One afternoon while talking to some co-workers, I mentioned the fact that I used to be a heavy metal DJ and writer for some prominent metal magazines. This raised some eyebrows.

“And now you work in the library.”

“Yes.”

“For a guy like you isn't this kind of...boring?”

Again with that word! No, silly, it's the coolest thing ever. Libraries do so much more than just lend books to homeless people. It's the shining beacon for any community offering up so many services I can't even begin to go on about. I like the fact that I am pretty sure I’m the sole employee of the Pima County Public Library that has stage dived, threw mayonnaise packets at Cannibal Corpse and watched porn with Lemmy of Mötörhead. I love that on my way to work, which is usually a very quiet environment as libraries usually are, I'm blasting High On Fire or Neurosis, because the duality always makes me smile. Books and metal are awesome!

Then one day I started to think about the connection of the two. There had to be some sort of link to make myself a bit more clear about why my obsession with reading and listening to heavy metal is a valid one. So I sat down, jotted out a list and this is what I came up with.



(1) Both mediums are the ultimate escape.



Think about it. Am I buying a DIO or Dragonforce record because I want factual information about the economy? Do I read Suzanne Collins and James Dashner because they provide sound advice for my income tax returns? Heck no.

We have to deal with so much crap, us “adults”, on a daily basis that those of us not cut out for the grinding routine of working, consumerism and being a responsible member of the community have to have some sort of eye into a world where dorks like us don’t suffer so much, paper money could be a laughable concept and “working” can be considered something along the lines of stirring bubbling cauldrons or “laser tech” on the USS Nerdship.

Heavy Metal, when done correctly, takes us/me away to a place that invests in the fantastic. Sure a lot of it is violent, but…isn’t the daily news? When you pick up the paper or turn on channel 4 at six pm, aren’t you embedded into a landscape of hate, dread and intolerance? Of course you are. But when you listen to Slayer, do you really think demons are coming to get you and will drag you off to the latter boundaries of Hell? Probably. But it’s richer and more fun that the actual happenings that continue to chisel down the morale of the common thinking and feeling person. And you know it’s all fantasy. You do right? C’mon people. You really think Manowar writes from a perspective of “Oh yeah, this is really gonna happen”? Um, no. Viking slave girls chained to the floating warships of Valhalla while beefy guardians of Odin fight the fire giants of doom is not common thought of what real life is all about. But it makes for great entertainment and killer lyrics.

Same goes for books. When the real world keeps spilling into our happy little spaces and tree lined landscapes of wishes and squirrel wizards, aka the innocence of our brains, the best possible escape route is that of a good book. Heck, I’ll take Danielle Steele over the 6 o clock news any day. Well, not really but…you know what I’m getting at here, right?

One of my favorite books as a kid was the “Choose Your Own Adventure” series. This came in light of my full time job playing Dungeons and Dragons when I wasn’t in school. After peaking interest in the game when I was 11, I was told that before I am truly initiated into the realm of lost weekends spent deliberating over tomes such as the Dungeon Masters Guide and the horrifically illustrated Fiend Folio, I had to complete the Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit as well. It took me a while to get through it all, seeing as I was still in school, played video games and skateboarded so, yeah, I say I finished those things when I was almost 13.

But the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books were awesome. They were similar to D&D but not as long as what Tolkien can dish out. If I wasn’t playing D&D or doing homework, I was reading those books. I’d get lost in the maze of characters and situations then, before our hero takes another turn, there were options. If you wanted him to go down the stairs where the large oaken door was, turn to page 119. But, if you want to go right and follow the strange sound and weird smell, turn to page 85. Weighting my options, I chose the sound and smell. So I turn to page 85 only to find I walked into a nest of Kobolds having some kind of party. I am soon outnumbered and eventually become the main course.

When I turn to page 119, the door opens to a large treasure room and I walk home filled with riches. Next time, I’m going with the door option…

No matter that I didn’t fit in with any real clique at school, that wars were going on, somewhere, racial tension was still happening, kittens dying and McDonald’s still insisted on making those god awful Shamrock Shakes every March, I had books and their stories to help me get back to the place where I did fit in and where I could help with some of the ills of society. In those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, I was the hero. Back at school, I was just a zitty heavy metal loving nerd with a B+ average.

So thanks to the library and my collection of thrash metal, I always found a way to smile at a new day.



(2) The darker the place, the better the result.



It’s true. You think Bukowski was really any good once he found fame and success? Did you read “Pulp”? Yeah…not so much. Same goes for Clive Barker. When he was a young, closeted, hungry author of fantastical horror, his stuff was good. I ate his books up like the undead devouring flesh in one of his short stories. But when that guy started making movies, making money and found happiness with his life partner, he literally started writing about rich people and fame. Sure, they had a sinister take to them, but the old Clive Barker that I knew and loved had progressed into something you might purchase at a Costco.

I mean, heck, Truman Capote just stopped writing all together. Caught up in the flashy upper crust scene of the rich and famous, his writer’s block would literally follow him to the grave. What if Breakfast at Tiffany’s and In Cold Blood were moderate successes forcing him to continue typing to make a decent living? Imagine the works we could have been privy to if that were the case. I really don’t want to think about it.

This is also the case of Heavy Metal.

Dee Snider of Twisted Sister fame said it best: “So here we were, sitting by my pool next to my million dollar house, with Porsches in the garage and diamonds on our fingers, trying to write our new album thinking, ‘Hmm…so what would a down and out teenager feel about being an outsider?’ We knew our time was up. We just had to quit.”

Christ, Motley Crue wrote “Girls Girls Girls” surrounded by blondes and cocaine and that album is literally one of the worst pieces of crap out there. But then, THEN!, they saw what excess was doing to them, found sobriety was a scary and difficult place and produced, bingo!, “Dr. Fxxking Feelgood”, easily one of their best works filled with more hits than any other release from them.

Then grunge hit and, well…there you go.

Kind of like Bukowski and Barker, two of the big guns in the Metal family, Slayer and Metallica, both of which are my all-time favorite bands, started to put out albums that were less than satisfactory. After “Divine Intervention”, I kinda had to give up on Slayer when they almost went ‘nu metal’ on us here and there. And Metallica? “Load”? “Re-Load”? Are you kidding me? I don’t even want to go there with that phase of the band. So horrible.

Point is when the artist is hungry and driven the final outcome of their work will be a true piece of art. Sort of like that ‘diamond from coal’ aspect of comparison. This is probably why authors such as Jim Knipfel or even Sloane Crosley won’t change much. They are who they are. Sloane is witty and writes about quirky issues in New York and, well, so does Jim. Even if mass fame came to those kids it would probably make Jim more contemptible and Sloane gigglier. That I would like to see. I mean read.

And all those Nordic Black Metal bands or Grindcore outfits? Yeah, I would like to see those guys getting seriously paid. If Gorgoroth had more of a budget, they’d just put on bigger shows and could afford actual sheep for sacrifice. But, alas….



(3) Books and Metal have multiple sub-genres.



We can all agree that Metal, officially, started in Birmingham, UK with the band Black Sabbath. Right? Yeah, I know there’s a bit of controversy surrounding this because some say Iron Butterfly, others Blue Cheer, etc etc, but that deep down toned register we all know and love about modern Metal, really started with Sabbath. Please don’t send me hate mail if you feel otherwise.

Today, that style of Metal Sabbath put out would be called Doom. It’s slow; it’s heavy, ominous lyrics, all that good stuff. Doom Metal, now, can go as deep as Ambient Doom, or Funeral Doom, or even Stoner Doom. Each one has one finite aspect of their style and arrangement to garner them a sub-genre of a sub-genre. After the huge New Wave of British Heavy Metal hit in the late 70s, that sparkled into so many factions I can’t even begin to fully describe. Out of the original NWOBHM, Power Metal was born which begat Speed Metal, which begat Thrash Metal which soon turned into Death Metal which morphed into Grindcore and so on and so forth. Basically the list I just mentioned is just a progression of speed. Music just kept getting faster and more extreme. Nowadays when I hear a blast beat (which is literally a snare drum roll using one hand while the legs are rapidly double peddling on the kick drums and the cymbals are trying to keep up with the snare…like mind-blowingly fast!) I don’t even blink because stuff has gotten so out of control I can literally nap through an entire Napalm Death record. It is that ominous and strangely comforting.

Books are no different.

Sure you have romance novels but then have you tried homo erotic romance? Fetish homo erotic romance? Blow up vinyl bodysuit fetish homo erotic romance? Well? Have you? Yeah, it’s out there and luckily I have been exposed to such things during my time in Los Angeles and San Francisco, where I worked in a prominent bookstore on Haight Street for a spell. If boring ol’ Sci-Fi isn’t enough, have you trained your eyeballs to skim across the letters of a Hard Sci-Fi book? Or Horror Sci-Fi? Homo erotic horror hard Sci-Fi? It just keeps on going. If there is an audience for it, someone right now is at the computer writing “Then the zombie princess granted the gay gnome king immunity from the aroused toilet now that the severed head of Vince Vaughn cooked a fine meal (recipe to follow) for all the handballs in Zip Zop Zoopy water park and blood pharmacy.”

The End.



(4) Censorship and being banned.



Dude, Harry Potter isn’t allowed in over a dozen cities here in the US. The Hunger Games was pulled from the shelves of prominent bookstores deemed too ‘violent’ (well, yeah) and even, get this!, ‘Satanic’. In 1980, Missouri banned Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, pulling it from classrooms across the state and it is still a huge issue of controversy out there. Heck, you can’t even buy Alice in Wonderland in most parts of China because they don’t like the fact that animals are polymorphic and a little girl is obviously taking drugs.

Don’t even get me started on Judy Blume and John Steinbeck. For real, still, today, 21st goddam century and those cats aren’t allowed in some schools and libraries. Judy fxxking Blume. Are. You. Serious?

Yeah, sure I can see some places going nuts over Stephen King; giant dogs attacking a helpless mother and child, a young girl setting fires with her mind, a boy that can read thoughts while his dad goes on a killing spree. Okay, I can basically understand where some are coming from on this one. Sort of. But when you have, literally, historical documents by the mind of Mark Twain still being hailed as ‘racist’ and ‘inappropriate’, we have stepped into a realm of fear and ignorance that I can’t even begin to understand.

On the other hand, I can sort of agree with you there western Europe; not allowing Cannibal Corpse to play anything off of their first three albums. I mean, snazzy tunes like “Necropedeophile” and “Entrails Ripped from a Virgins Cunt” just don’t go over too well with the family units, do they? Still, it’s just entertainment and, really, those guys are too old with their own kids to properly rip their trousers these days. But who takes kids and grandma to a CC show anyway? Now that is a family I could hang out with.

One thing I have to give thanks for is Tipper Gore.

Ah! Slow down. Hear me out.

When that woman started the whole PMRC and began putting warning labels on albums, dude…sales went off the charts! You think some dorky metalhead is not going to purchase the latest Autopsy album because a little sticker says it contains “foul language”? No, I want to buy that thing, take it home and crank it way past 11 just to be shocked and awed and hear the naughty words. I mean, the album I just bought by Cancer has a guy with a hatchet sticking out of his head. You don’t think I know that this thing has “shocking” lyrics and “tasteless” content? That’s exactly what I want! I don’t buy a Cattle Decapitation album only to find they are singing cookie recipes and humming the tunes to old Robert Frost poems. I know right then and there that those vegan grinders are going to hate on the human race and explain in gory detail how to get rid of us all. Shocking? Oh yes. Tasteless? Well, that’s only an opinion. Foul language? Oh mais oui. I love it and that’s what I want from them.

It’s Heavy Metal. It’s loud, it’s outrageous, it’s stupid, it’s stupid fun and most importantly…it’s entertainment! I know a bunch of poo poo heads out there that take this crap too seriously, but, more often than not, the Metal community is one of the tightest and smartest scenes on the planet. Most likely because they grew up reading Judy Blume and were punished for doing so. That could make them angry. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering makes great Metal.

Just don’t go too crazy with the lyrical gore because, well…you do want to play Utah don’t you? Because Venom sure can’t.

(5) Is there a genre called “Literate Metal”? Because there should be.



Now here is where things are about to get even more awesomer. Awesomer-er? Is that a word?

Anyway, when my two obsessions of books and Heavy Metal come together, they make a most delicious pairing. When I can listen to a band or an album that is literally melting my face off but still get that ‘books on tape’ feeling, you have just packed my bags and sent me to mega-nerd heaven.

Let’s get down to brass tacks and nards here: Iron fxxking Maiden!

Most in the literary fan base world would be apt to snicker and wince at the fact that Bruce Dickinson and Steve Harris are two incredibly smart blokes. Sure you have biblical nods with tunes like “The Flight of Icarus” and classics based songs such as “The Phantom of the Opera”, but when you base an entire opus on a poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, you’ve just tread into lands of sheer badassery.

“The Rime of the Ancient Mariner” is a 13 minute ode to said prose and the journey of the seafaring subject. In fact, the whole album 'Powerslave' deserves a trophy just for being an incredible piece of heavy metal art, inspired a lot by books and literature. Just go out and buy it. No really, stop reading and go.

The entire album 'Leviathan' by Mastodon was inspired by Moby Dick, from the sweeping cover artwork involving a white whale capsizing a small ship to the lyrics and the songs themselves such as “Seabeast” and “I Am Ahab”. The song “Creeping Death” by Metallica (when the totally ruled), which I always play at Passover, is about Exodus 12:29 from the Old Testament regarding the plague of the first born. Blind Guardian based their album 'Mirror, Mirror' around JRR Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, which is fantastic even though I’m not much of a Blind Guardian fan. Too operatic for me, not enough balls to the proverbial walls so to speak.

If you wanna get schooled in Egyptology, look no further than the epic technical death metal (yet another sub-genre!) band Nile. Those guys base their entire concept on the writings and mythology of ancient Egypt. In fact, because of their intellectual lyrics and song styling, although still brutal as all hell, Nile is one of the few extreme death metal acts I can fully support these days. I mean, I like a lot of death metal, but Nile just kicks it into a new stratosphere of incredible for me because of their subject matter and musical prowess. Essentially I feel like I’m learning something new every time I read their lyrics. Thanks to them, now you can ace that test on ancient Egypt. See, the power of Metal never ceases to amaze me.

Going back in time to classics such as “Dracula” (always a popular subject), “Frankenstein” (yet another), “Jekyll and Hyde” and even “Dante’s Inferno”, you need to start listening to Iced Earth, because, man, those power metallers sure love them some readin’. And for modern fare, you need to check out The Sword who, again, have based their identity and whole albums and songs on the works of George RR Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire…you know, the Game of Thrones thingy on HBO. Which is awesome, both the band and the show I might add.

So, as you may or may not see, as a lifelong and dedicated Metalhead who had to hide the fact that I loved books and as a devoted reader who had to hide the fact that I frickin’ love Metal, I was glad to find some similarities and even links to one another. To me, there is no difference between the ear shattering riffs from a perfect metal song or the wondrous worlds that a good book can take you. It might be that I like silence when I’m reading and trying to hold a book while moshing has proven futile.

I heartily advise all of you out there to embrace and encourage your obsessions, whatever they may be or however crazy it may seem. Unless of course you like to arouse toilets for gay gnome kings for zombie princesses.

But, then again, you just might be on the start of something good. You never know…